The documentary, Who Does She Think She Is http://www.whodoesshethinksheis.net/ explores the struggles mothers face when following their artistic instincts and the overall lack of representation they receive in the world of professional artists. Aside from the surprising statistics, like the fact that only 2% of the artists in the permanent collection at the Tate Modern are women and MOMA is something like 10% the artists interviewed explained how the pressures of work and family became so much at times that they made an attempt to stop creating. They thought that maybe that sacrifice would prove something - what a female approach. What they found was that it didn't make anything better; they were pretending part of who they were didn't exist and the outcome didn't help anyone.
As we go through life, we learn about ourselves and we make efforts to grow and change, but another healthy part of cultivating our evolution is to accept and protect essential aspects of who we are.
I am thankful to have figured something out about myself - If I am not producing work the parts of my brain that handle all the color, form, golden ratio, rhythm and line start to get unruly and the attention that belongs to them starts to feed on the details of my life. I become overly critical of myself and my surroundings. Why should I indulge these needs? Well, I think it's one of the things I was meant to do. When I'm letting that part of me do it's job I'm restoring balance, it's good for me and it's good for my family. There's nothing special about it, we all have that something. If we call it an indulgence to follow the call, how can we hope to have balance?
I will tackle those empty panels tonight. It will feel far better to have the next painting finished than the rest of the laundry done...believe me, nobody will notice until they're naked.